Humor

Drawing of a lightbulb and crumpled paper.

7 Items Triathletes Desperately Need to be Invented

1. A sporty SUV with an integrated bike rack, ice maker, and small washer/dryer combo for the summer triathlon season. Optional extras include an external shower attachment and a little tree air freshener with a patented “not a locker room” scent. 2. Puncture-proof bike tires with ultra-low rolling resistance. As a bonus, at cadences over …

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Endurance Athlete Superpowers

The Mountain Biker Superpowers: Unusual stamina, enhanced balance, nerves of steel, ability to digest mud, mechanical aptitude, ability to buy carbon wheels. Arch Enemy: Trees Sidekick: A smart, active dog whose name is actually a pun, i.e., Dusty. Weaknesses: Beef jerky, nature-related tattoos, fashion sense.   Favorite Movies: Return to Earth and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. …

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Competitive Zombies

11 Humorous Halloween Observations in a Spooky Year for Athletes

I was cool with this whole work-from-home, no-dining-in-restaurants, don’t-hug-your friends dystopia until I realized I had to go an entire year without buying a new bike. Virtual races are kind of like virtual barbeques. For the races, I don’t train as hard, strain as hard, or run as fast. For the barbeques, I don’t cook …

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