The Mountain Biker
Superpowers: Unusual stamina, enhanced balance, nerves of steel, ability to digest mud, mechanical aptitude, ability to buy carbon wheels.
Arch Enemy: Trees
Sidekick: A smart, active dog whose name is actually a pun, i.e., Dusty.
Weaknesses: Beef jerky, nature-related tattoos, fashion sense.
Favorite Movies: Return to Earth and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.
Least Favorite Thing: Pavement.
The Triathlete
Superpowers: The ability to do one sport badly and two sports well; willingness to start a race cold, wet and terrified; can pee while in motion during multiple sports and a certain lack of uncertainly.
Arch Enemy: Finding time to train.
Sidekick: Any triathlete who is slightly slower.
Weaknesses: The ability to do two sports badly and one sport well; the need for their A race to be wetsuit legal; disc wheels.
Favorite Movies: We are Triathletes and any of the Fast and Furious movies.
Least Favorite Thing: Getting a penalty for drafting.
The Runner
Superpowers: The ability to run short distances rapidly, long distances slowly, and most distances happily.
Arch Enemy: Flash mobs.
Sidekicks: The wind, sweat, and DOMS.
Weaknesses: Their Achilles’ heel is Achilles tendinitis, also runner’s knee, twitchy hamstrings, small aggressive dogs, athlete’s foot, and t-shirts with a lightning bolt.
Favorite Movies: Without Limits and The Running Man.
Least Favorite Thing: Being called a jogger.
The Trail Runner
Superpowers: Quick reflexes, mountain goat drive, steel ankles, ability to eat and run to a ridiculous degree, mad duct tape fabrication skills, and a boundless appreciation of the outdoors.
Arch Enemy: The twin titans: scree and talus. Roots, rocks, and sometimes trees aren’t too friendly either.
Sidekick: A hydration pack named Dakota.
Weaknesses: Affinity for awkward looking hats, gaiter buildup, blisters, and inability to admit to being lost.
Favorite Movies: The Barkley Marathons: The Race That Eats Its Young and Sonic the Hedgehog.
Least Favorite Thing: Mall walking.
The Cyclist
Superpowers: Ability to spin at over 100 rpm for hours, mad drafting skills, and a surreal understanding of power meter data.
Arch Enemy: The motorcar.
Sidekick: A scrappy water bottle named Ned.
Weaknesses: Extreme competitiveness, an affection for neon colored kit, and an obsession with carbon wheels.
Favorite Movies: Breaking Away and Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.
Least Favorite Thing: Texting drivers.
The Swimmer
Superpowers: Ability to hold their breath longer than David Copperfield, can flip turn at will without getting water up their noses, superior coordination, and body awareness.
Arch Enemy: People who don’t know how to circle swim.
Sidekick: Kickboard, clever trout, or dolphin. Depends on the venue.
Weaknesses: Cute or funny swimsuits, raccoon eyes from goggle use, and anchor or fish related tattoos.
Favorite Movies: The Guardian and Splash.
Least Favorite Thing: Chlorine.
The Paddleboarder
Superpowers: Feet of asbestos, abs of steel, superb balance, and the ability to look graceful while holding a SUP paddle.
Arch Enemy: Jet skis.
Sidekick: A smart, active dog with a life jacket whose name is actually a pun, i.e., Bob.
Weaknesses: Inability to color coordinate PFD and SUP, strong inclination to plan routes to keep track of progress on houses under construction, and SUP yoga.
Favorite Movies: Destination 3 Degrees and Point Break.
Least Favorite Thing: Bass boats traveling at full throttle.
A big thank you to everyone who contributed their pick for best endurance sports movies!
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