The Wrong Bucket List
You bring your gear into transition in a five-gallon bucket like always. During setup you realize that you brought the bucket with your camping stuff. Riding and running in your hiking boots was no picnic but the mosquito head net came in handy for that lap around the lake.
Completing the swim, you realize there is no ladder at this end of the pool. You begin pressing and jumping in an effort to escape. People are piling up behind you. Finally you heave yourself out and roll onto the pool deck with all of the grace of a warped slinky, looking like a Koala bear escaping a flash flood.
Sticky Situations
Your first grader helped you get your nutrition ready for the race. Halfway through the bike course you realize your water bottles are filled with a 50/50 blend of her favorite powdered drink mix and maple syrup. You kind of like it.
At an aid station you get a little out of sequence and pour Gatorade over your head and drink the water. It leaves you refreshed but sticky.
Wardrobe Malfunctions
You discover that during the year it spent in your car trunk, your race belt stretched to twice it’s normal length. You wind up wrapping it around you to make it fit and your race number gets squished to one side. You look a bit like a Picasso painting titled the disheveled triathlete.
Because you were late getting to the race, you grab a sharpie and do your own body marking. In your haste you wrote your age on your arms and your bib number on your calf. The good news is that not only did you place first in your age group but several people said you looked great for 107.
You forget to take off your helmet for the run. So now you have a really interesting finish line photo and since you bought that new blinking light for your helmet a new nickname: cell tower.
Poor Prior Preparation
The week before the race you pay the guy at the bike shop $10 to get the rust off of your chain and $20 not to tell anyone.
In the weeks leading up to the race, struggling to complete brick workouts you recall that some once told you that (BRIC) was an acronym for Bike and Run In Combination. You’re guessing that (WAAP) waddle like an agitated penguin and (TSHYTBB) trot like someone hit you in the thigh with a baseball bat didn’t make the cut because they were less catchy.
[bctt tweet=”How are triathlon and humor alike? Because getting great results in either may cost you some dignity. ” username=””]
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