Out mountain biking with your new GoPro camera, you were startled by a bear, veered off the trail and crashed into some bushes. Lying there you heard something approaching. As you prepared to defend yourself with a sturdy branch, you realized that the large hulking black mass approaching was a stray black Angus cow. On the plus side you have great footage of the “bear” licking you because you were salty.
How To Set Up An Action Camera For Mountain Biking Video Link
Once the mid-winter realization that you would rather run in the icy cold wearing half of the running clothes in your closet rather than get on a treadmill set in, you began a support group called the league of treadmill avoidance athletes or LTAA.
The time you woke up before dawn and got all the way into the gym before realizing that you were wearing the footy pajamas you got for Christmas.
You vow to pelt the next person who says the word “keto” in your presence with a dozen wild blueberry muffins.
The runner in your neighborhood who trains in subzero temperatures wearing ear warmers, a long sleeve t-shirt and shorts and doesn’t even have the decency to wear socks is crushing your spirit.
You stopped running on a treadmill because your gym no longer lets you bring in the extra large fan you bought from Home Depot because of the incident where a “used” tissue from the woman on the treadmill behind you was blown into the face of a man on the elliptical behind her who unfortunately had his mouth open. The gym manager rejected your “contusions happen” defense out of hand.
The way your significant other refers to your bike “pain cave” as fart-nado alley. Nor do you appreciate being called “he who must not be smelled.”
You feel intimidated sharing the weight room with the fit, muscular beasts who lift two to three times as much weight as you. Including a young woman you are pretty sure is on your daughter’s middle school volleyball team.
You signed up for the January weight loss challenge at your spin class because whoever loses the most weight gets a free month. Closer reading of the rules reveals that whoever loses the least weight has to come to class dressed as Glenda, the good witch from the Wizard of Oz or Thor from the Avengers for a month. This became even more awkward when your spouse asked why your Google search history included “budget tiaras” and “large molded war hammer.”
Two words: Frozen eyelashes.
Photo Source: Wikimedia Commons
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