7 Signs You Might be a Bad Triathlete

 

1) You ask the race director if she can move the swim to last so you can cool off after the run. She declines citing rules.

 

2) On the swim you collide with a buoy, overturn a kayak and startle a mallard.

 

3) You use a helium balloon to find you bike in transition but tie it to the handlebars instead of the rack. It bounces off your helmet for the first quarter mile of the bike leg.

 

4) You tell people your bike split in furlongs per fortnight in an effort to hide how slow you are.

 

5) Someone suggested that you tape gels to the top tube of your bike. Mid-race it occurs to you that duct tape wasn’t the way to go.

 

6) Your bike mechanic keeps inspecting your helmet for cracks when you go in for a tune-up.

 

7) At mile two of the run you realize that you are wearing someone else’s shoes.

 

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