7 Signs You Are Bad At Group Rides

  1. During your last group ride you blew a snot rocket just as the wind shifted direction. You are banned from the group for excessive slime.
  2. You get lost so routinely the group repainted markers on the road with raised neon orange paint. They include your name.
  3. After one particularly bad unclipping incident you come back from the restroom to find your bicycle covered completely in bubble wrap.
  4. You have so many blinking lights on your bike that your nickname is Christmas tree.
  5. You hear a dog barking, weave erratically to throw him off then realize it’s the ringtone of the rider next to you. You apologize for pepper macing her.
  6. You are known for forgetting your nutrition and “borrowing” gels. You suspect you’ve done it once too often when you are offered gel flavors called: jalapeno basil, mint broccoli and almond trout toffee.
  7. During a group ride you are taking a drink, hit a pothole and drop your water bottle. You hear crashing, cursing and yelling behind you. You take the next left, circle back to the parking lot, move to another state and change you name.


Al Dockery is a PTA (physical therapist assistant) based in the Upstate of SC. He is a former award-winning writer and editor, who has worked for publications including Textile World and Furniture Today. He is a NC native and a NC State graduate.

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